sunny.suicide.up

a grunge-like romance
breathing in the rust of these old strings

i am my own destructive device
i'm a sunny suicide up

my own eulogy tucked in here
cos no one knows me enough

my own eulogy burnt away
cos i don't know me enough

i don't like much of humanity
but i'll waste some time with paper

i am my own destructive device
i'm a sunny suicide up

sweet.escape

blow these candles out
i'm taken
his fingers trace me
in this quiet dark

my sweet escape
his gentle hands
they pull me close
we're intertwined

......

and when the dawn breaks
we're back to being..
what we're supposed to be

a richer heart

once i wished the world would stop for a minute
that time would stand still just for a little while
breathe....breathe....
my breathing is getting heavier and it pains me with each one i take

then i wished for broader shoulders
and a pair of capable hands
lift.....lift....lift.....
these burdens... they're swallowing me whole

i wished for a stronger heart
one that would not break easy
pull through! pull through! PULL THROUGH!
far from numb.. it hurts me so

then she wept, 
her tangled hair pasted on the sides of her wrinkled face,
her tired eyes, her tattered dress,
her..bare..feet

now i wish
the world would stop for a minute
to look at what we've done

i wish
for broader shoulders
to hold her load

i wish
not for a stronger heart
but a richer one..

the one she holds so dearly..

a deeper red

A deeper red.. Stale, bitter
Fear of change, fear of fear
A dimensional hope
A constrained freedom
Air so light, I breathe heavy

Almost numb to these sharp pangs
It hurts.. Turning numb
Gone to a place so cold..
Still, it burns

Hanging by a thread..
So fine, it cuts..
A deeper red.. Stale, bitter
A deeper blue.....

your own

and you say; the load's a little heavy on your side.. a little too heavy and i can't do anything.. can't say anything.. cos the load's a little too heavy.. on your side and you say; i've heard it before.. how the load's heavy on your side.. what can i do but watch you sink from the load that's a little heavy.. on your side and you say; your 26 years worth of dreams.. your childlike fantasies of a white dress and a complete family portrait.. i think the load's heavy on your side.. your fantasies are a little heavy on my side and i say; haven't you heard me scream.. heard me cry from the load that's too heavy on my side.. 26 years worth of dreams they don't matter.. cos dreams don't weigh me down.. look and see.. look and see.. that the only load i have.. the load that's a little heavy.. the load that's a little too heavy.. the load that's too heavy on my side.. the load that's too heavy on your side.. the load i so humbly took on and still you killed me for.. are yours.. your own.

chains

the ghosts have come to redeem the past
when i won battles by mere ignorance
now the ghosts have come
and ignorance has become too old a trick

a lonely war
this war is my own against my demons
so the knife becomes a friend
a white flag by the slit of my wrists

and i wish to bleed
let the numbness replace this heavy pain

free me from the chains
of my living hell

star signs

am i worthy of ur time
am i worthy of ur love
the dawn breaks easy
but i've fallen to the ground

you read the star sign silly
i'm not a paragraph
i'm not a symbol, i'm me
you take too long to try

star signs and your mistake
my ashtray's filled to the brim
your thoughts and your beliefs
your thoughts and wrong beliefs

am i wasting my time
have i wasted all these time
your signals are fading..
your signals are fading